Plot Twist!!
The last three months have been such a whirlwind that every day upon waking up, I would utter the phrase “Plot twist!!”. In these three months I was sent on a journey of testing and discovering my true resilience and strength. Before you start wondering if I am ok, I deliberately waited to come on the other side of my recovery before I posted about my tendon laceration injury. And I want to reassure you that I am healthy and doing oh so well!!
It was a week after coming back from Costa Rica and three days before I was supposed to leave on an epic four month 23 national park trip taking me through some of the most magnificent places like Yosemite, Grand Canyon, Havasu Falls, Arches and so much more. I was already packed with my van, had done all necessary preparations and campground reservations, backpacks and gear. I was watching a movie late Sunday evening and went to the freezer to get a cup of ice cream. It was so frozen, and me impatiently wanting to get back to the movie, I picked up a knife to scoop out some pieces. Unfortunately the knife had other plans, twisted in my hand, went directly through the cup and hit right at my middle tendon on my left index finger. Frankly I was so terrified that I had cut a major artery, that I didn’t even see that I had completely severed my tendon and was not able to bend my finger at all.
I rushed to KU Medical Center before I could pass out from adrenaline past midnight. There they told me the hand surgeon was going to see me the following day. On Monday Dr. Matthew Drake did not mince his words - there was no “back to normal” for me. I was unaware initially that this tendon laceration injury is one of the most precarious ones to heal from as the tendons can easily rupture during recovery but also have to be moved consistently so they don’t heal and stiffen with significant loss of range of motion. I was in for surgery on Thursday, March 28th. My friend Joseph held my hand and we did box breathing for a good 15 minutes before I was given a needle in the hand. Half an hour later, I was taken into the surgery room. Dr. Drake had me pick out my favorite playlist - my favorite soothing Rodrigo Amarante. Only under local anesthesia, I watched Dr. Drake carefully cut through my finger and palm, pull the tendon from mid palm to attach it to the top finger tendon and place a newly invented implant device to hold the tendons together. All my work in meditation, mindfulness, EFT, Buddhist studies and therapy I watched paying off immensely in front of my eyes. I was so calm my heart rate never went over 60 BPM. When Dr. Drake asked me to move my finger after placing the tendon coupler, I saw my entire anatomy down to the bone and flesh, and was able to make a movement without any panic. I was in and out of surgery in an astonishing time of an hour and a half.
Back home in a cast from my palm to my elbow, the recovery journey felt arduous. The first two days, I refused to take heavy pain medicine, fearful of the horrible side effects and high addictive properties. So I stuck to my Advil/Tylenol regimen and grinned through some significant pain. Day two once the anesthesia wore off was the hardest. With a red face full of tears I pleaded with the Universe to tell me the lesson. What was this all about? Why did this happen to me?
Lesson 1: Living with Uncertainty
Navigating the days post-surgery has been a profound lesson in living with uncertainty. Each morning, I woke up unsure of how my hand will feel, how much mobility I'll have, or what new challenges will arise. Every week my incredible hand therapist Connie would reassure me that I am making great progress. Even though I struggled at times to not worry about what my end result would be, I would focus on celebrating each new degree of flexion, stitches coming out, moving from a cast to a splint to a brace. So much of my Buddhist teachings revolve around life being inherently unpredictable. I had to learn to embrace this uncertainty, rather than fear it. This has brought a surprising sense of peace. I had to learn to take each moment, each victory as it comes… finding comfort in the present rather than worrying about what lies ahead. This mindset has not only helped me cope with my healing process but also deepened my understanding of impermanence and acceptance.
Lesson 2: Being Mindful of My Body
Recovering from finger tendon surgery has made me acutely aware of my body in ways I hadn't been before. Every movement, every sensation, demands my full attention. I experienced tendonitis, pain during deep breathing, flexion pain, burning and itching from the stiches. And each time I would come back to my breath, adjust, slow down and be kind to myself. This mindfulness practice, so central to Buddhism, has taught me to listen to my body with compassion and patience. Rather than pushing through pain or frustration, I'm learning to honor my body's signals and respond with care. This heightened awareness extended beyond my injured hand, encouraging me to have a more holistic approach to my well-being. By being present with my body's needs, I nurtured a deeper connection to myself and learned to cultivate a space for healing.
Lesson 3: Moving Through Adversity in community
This journey of recovery has highlighted the importance of community and the kindness of others. I learned to ask for help from friends with what I would have considered an absolute no go before: help with eating, driving, bathing, putting clothes on. I went to a chiropractor when my body was tense from holding my hand in one position overnight, I saw a Reiki healer who helped my body relax, I trusted my hand therapist who gave me so many medical devices/tools to help with recovery, I asked all the questions from my surgeon. Each act of support has been a reminder that I don't have to face adversity alone. Buddhism teaches the interconnectedness of all beings, and this experience has shown me the beauty of that truth. The compassion and generosity of those around me have been crucial in navigating this challenging time. With their help, I've found strength and resilience I might not have discovered on my own.
And today has been an incredible victorious day. Today, June 28th, exactly three months after my surgery, I was officially released by my surgeon and therapist from physical therapy. The note my surgeon made in his post visit notes was “outstanding result”. The journey was not easy, but it taught me that one can not just live but even thrive through adversity.. through my dedication to recovery and with the help of a village of friends… I am one grateful, lucky gal!!
As for what’s next for me… now that I’ve learned to ride the waves of uncertainty with grace and ease.. I invite you to come to the lake shore with me.. the water is warm and the future seems brighter than ever :)
